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July 15th, 2005

09:43 am

A great doubt has suddenly washed its way across my soul this morning. A truth that I have taken to be certain for many years has been shaken, and I'm not certain whether I will be able to get over it.

I've started to doubt that Anita Dobson does not exist, and the she is merely a ruse by Brian May, created using mirrors or cunning visual effects.

Ever since I first saw a picture of the "two" of them standing together, I started having doubts. In real life a similar effect to the appearance of the two grinning, hirsute and bouffoned ones could be effected using a mirror and a single grinning, hirsute and bouffoned person. In recorded footage the members of Queen had already shown that they had contacts in the visual effects world with their Bohemian Rhapsody video. Surely it would be little extra work to matt in a second, slightly distorted reflection of the guitarist? But today my resolve to display the fraud of Mr May's "marriage" has wavered. And due to one simple question:

What if Brian is actually the mirror image of Anita Dobson?

Maybe all these years my cries of "That's not a woman! It's done with mirrors, I tell you! MIRRORS!", the ridicule, the near arrests, the restraining orders (issued in the name of Anita Dobson) have all been based on a false assumption. Maybe Anita Dobson is the secret mastermind behind all this - a fluffily haired female guitarist and sometimes actress who took on a male persona to perform with Queen, who, after achieving a success she had never dreamed of, found that she could no longer pursue her main goal in life - to appear as the drunken wife of a small-time east-end gangster in a fledgling TV soap opera. So, throwing caution to the wind she continued to live the double life, eventually (after the rumours of her and "Brian" living together) fabricating a wedding and the obligatory couple shots.

It is possible.

Still I am not certain. Brian has a good back story and still seems to be primary personality, and there's all that stuff about him being an Imperial Alumnus: as we all know there are NO woman at Imperial, and never have been. But this could all be the ruse of a master (or mistress) tactician, the work of years to create an public image for a false personality.

Tonight, I go to see "Queen" in Hyde park (2 out of 4 does not quite make a  reunion, even if that is actually 2/3 still alive), and I'm not sure if I'm safe. Anita knows that I know and I think she may try and ensure my silence. If a sniper shot rings out from the stage, check "Brian"'s guitar - "he" made it himself, "he" knows how to fit a rifle in the neck - with one monster riff "he" could take me down and hide the facts that I have uncovered.

I leave it to you people to spread the word in case of the worst.